Our dating experts weigh in on this hot topic:
(Jozen Cummings) HE SAID:
When it comes to asking your partner about her past, my advice is the same advice as everyone else: Don’t ask questions for which you don’t want to know the answer.
It’s important to know where a person’s been to get a better understanding of where they are so a little prying can’t hurt. But pry too much and there’s damage that cannot be undone. Just because she’s your woman, does not give you a right to violate her privacy by asking too many questions about a past that has nothing to do with you.
As for the number of partners she’s been with, before you even ask that question, ask yourself, Why does it matter? A question about the number of partners she’s had will probably only give you more questions than answers so leave it alone. Also consider what you can and cannot handle.
Some guys can’t even handle the idea their partner has been with one person before them, let alone two or three or four. Imagine if the number were more than the numbers of fingers she has on one hand, how would you feel knowing that? If you can’t handle such a thought, it’s best to leave the question alone.
No man needs to be concerned with the number of sexual partners his woman has had, so much as he needs to be concerned with the number of partners she has while she’s with him. The question of how many people she has slept with is not as important as how many people she’s sleeping with. As long as she says that number is one, and he’s the only one, he need not worry about how many people came before him.
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(Telisha Ng) SHE SAID:
I will never understand why an individual’s body count (#of sexual partners) would be considered somewhat of a deal breaker in a relationship or even an issue. Someone please help me out! I don’t know about y’alllll but I don’t go around choosing friends and partners based on what they did in the past. I am well aware of the assumptions made about an individual with a high body count. If he/she has that many notches under their belt then they are probably not in pursuit of love, they’re easy, they’re ho etc.
Do you tell or not tell? The scrutiny and criticism that come with these assumptions make the topic uncomfortable to discuss in the first place, so I do not blame folks for wanting to keep that type of information to themselves. On a personal level I would tell but I would then become turned off VERY quickly.
I really feel that if you trying to get to know a person in the present time your focus needs to be on what this person is bringing to the table at that very moment. It comes down to this- Are you more concerned with your reputation or sexual health?
We often get so caught up in the details that we are often missing the big picture. While you’re hung up on body counts, whether or not to label somebody a hoe you missed the boat. Conversations about body count get heated across the nation yet STDs and AIDS and steadily on the rise. Your partner could swear to the grave that their body count in virtually non-existent but by no means should that be an excuse for lax safe sex practices.
I say let’s start asking more important questions- What’s your status?